I know I normally write about marketing, but today I’m going to do something different…
I’m going to write about meditation.
Why is this important for you as a marketer or business person?
Simple. Because better thinking leads to better outcomes in nearly every area of your life, including business. If you want to create a bigger, brighter future for yourself and those around you, it starts by making improvements on what’s going on between your two ears.
Don’t meditate because you want to be a better marketer though.
Meditate because you want to be a better person. Becoming a better marketer will be a nice byproduct.
As you might know, my degree was in psychology. When getting my degree, I focused on learning developmental psychology. Specifically, the process that can take a human being from an innocent baby through childhood and adolescence, into becoming a fully realized human adult, and even to reaching the peak of human potential (including into the spiritual).
Now, there’s a lot we won’t go into here, but there’s one thing that stuck with me that’s particularly relevant. It’s the process of growth and development.
In all human psycho-social growth, we go through three phases…
- Differentiation from the self concept or understanding that we had before. That is, recognizing that the way we previously viewed ourselves or the world isn’t adequate for our current reality. This throws us into chaos.
- Transcendence or moving into a bigger, more encompassing self-concept. That is, forming a new identity that is adequate for our new understanding of the world. This is a form of reorientation.
- Integration of the still-useful aspects of our previous self-concept into our new self-concept. This brings our world back into order.
This can be a particularly chaotic and messy process. And there are many opportunities to screw it up along the way, and end up with various neuroses or dark elements within ourselves, if any part of the process isn’t resolved successfully.
And yet, every time we go through this process successfully, we come out the other side with a bigger, more useful self-identity for living in the world and doing whatever it is we want to do.
An example, then we’ll get into how meditation fits into this…
As children, we’re forced through this process over and over and over again. Because as children, we have very little understanding of how the world works. We’re very reactive to whatever life throws at us. And it’s only through experience that we start to really get an idea of how we exist in relation to the world.
Let’s focus in on late childhood and early adolescence.
By this time, a typical, healthy child develops a strong identity as self-as-part-of-family. That is, a core important part of their identity is that they are a member of their family.
At the same time, they’re starting to go through their day with much more independence. And are often finding themselves in situations with friends, in school, in peer groups, in sports, and in other places where self-as-part-of-family is not an appropriate identity to remain in. This is where they DIFFERENTIATE and recognize that a new identity is required for these new situations.
And so as they try to fit in, they start to develop identities along the lines of self-as-part-of-peer-group and self-as-part-of-community. This is where they TRANSCEND the old identity and move into the new.
Now here’s where things often get rocky. This is the stereotypical rebel teenager who might be great in certain circumstances, but they can’t help fighting their family. Because the family still thinks of them as self-as-part-of-family but the teenager feels like they have a better fit in their new identity. That’s natural.
But somewhere along the line, healthy development will lead that teenager to find a new role in their family. One where both self-as-part-of-family AND self-as-part-of-peer-group AND self-as-part-of-community can all exist together. This is INTEGRATION of the old identity into the new.
What the heck does this all have to do with meditation?
Well, folks who study this process of development have found something interesting.
In most modern, developed societies, there are a number of stages of ever-expanding identity that we all go through. These roughly map out to the stages of psycho-social development from infancy through young adulthood.
And then, for the most part, we stagnate.
The identity required for surviving in society at 65 isn’t that different from the identity required for surviving in society at 25.
And so unless something major happens in our lives that makes us question our self-identity, we don’t tend to develop much as humans beyond our early 20s. Our bodies age. We may learn new skills. But our fundamental identity and relationship with the world around us remains pretty stagnant.
Most 65-year-olds have about the same self-identity as they did when they were 25.
That is, unless we meditate.
In fact, meditation or contemplative prayer has been found to be the most reliable method to continue psycho-social development throughout our lifetimes.
This doesn’t have to be spiritual/religious — although it can be…
Meditation is actually a very simple process.
In short, you sit and pay attention.
There are a lot of “hacks” for doing this — because it can be especially tricky in the midst of the abundant distractions of our modern lifestyle.
— You can simply pay attention to your breath. Notice yourself breathing in. Then notice yourself breathing out.
— You can count your breath. Typically your in-breath is shorter than your out-breath. So you might count in-2-3-4-5-6-7, out-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11. And repeat.
— You can repeat a short prayer or mantra. This is a word or phrase meant both to focus your mind and to cultivate certain feelings our outcomes.
— You can even walk or jog, if you insist you can’t sit still.
And so on…
My general recommendation is to simply close your eyes, sit comfortably (I prefer a meditation cushion), and pay attention to the feeling as every in-breath fills to the bottom of your stomach, and then as every out-breath goes from the bottom of your stomach out into the world.
None of that is the most important part though.
What’s important is your “monkey mind.”
What you’ll find when you start to meditate is that it’s almost impossible to stay focused on what you intend to focus on.
Instead, your mind is constantly bringing up thought after thought, some of which are massively distracting. The Buddhists call this “monkey mind.” Because it’s like a freaking monkey, inside your mind, trying to distract you — and it won’t go away. In fact, the harder you try to make it go away, the noisier it gets.
That’s okay. That’s part of being human.
Sure, some people claim to be able to quiet their mind. And maybe they can, to a degree. But that doesn’t have to be your goal.
Rather, your goal should be to simply recognize thoughts as they come and go.
Be an observer of your thoughts — don’t be consumed by them.
Think of your mind like a movie theater screen. The thoughts are being projected onto the screen.
If you get really absorbed in a good movie, you can almost forget yourself. But in meditation, your goal is to remember that you’re sitting there in the theater, watching. You’re the observer, you’re not the movie.
And so you sit, and breathe. And sometimes the screen goes dark for a moment, and that’s okay. And sometimes the movie on the screen is wild and full of emotional content. And that’s okay, too. Either way, you sit and watch.
What does this all have to do with the differentiate, transcend, integrate bit above?
In short, the more you watch your thoughts from this observer perspective, the better you are able to recognize what is working for you, and what’s working against you. Also, what’s based in your present reality, and what may be a holdover that’s not working so well anymore.
Many times, when we’re having distressing thoughts, we are dealing with a conflict between our present reality and our present self-identity. That is, our self-identity is no longer working for the new reality we find ourselves in.
Without meditation, this most often leads to us remaining “stuck” in who we were, and not adapting to who we could be in this new reality. We self-sabotage. We do things to get us out of this new uncomfortable reality.
We do this even when the absolute best thing to do would be to embrace the new reality, and grow as a human so we can live in it to the fullest.
With meditation, we can differentiate from our old self-identity, transcend into a new self-identity that fits in this new reality, and integrate all the aspects of our old self-identity that are still relevant.
We’re born with a mind capable of doing this. But the world around us typically doesn’t require it once we reach adulthood. We can act like a 20-year-old for most of our lives and get by.
But if we choose to bring awareness and mindfulness into what we do — bolstered by regular meditative practice — we’re able to constantly move forward into greater realities, as fast as we can expand our sense of self.
Why this is necessary, in life and business…
I’ll finish by bringing this back around to business and marketing.
I like to be around the kind of marketers, business-builders, and entrepreneurs who are doing well while doing good. That is, their businesses both make the world a better place, and carve off some of the world’s abundance for them.
What I find to be almost universally true among these business builders is that they’re either intentionally (through meditation) or instinctually very mindful.
That is, they tend to maintain this observer perspective in life, and in their business.
It helps them think better about personal and business challenges that arise. And it helps them determine how to react to get the best outcome.
This is a powerful skill. It can lead to tremendous business success.
It could also lead to big success running a nonprofit or a charity. Or doing policy or government work. You choose how to apply it.
What I know is that clearer, more reality-based thinking tends to lead to better results in the world.
Oh, and it’s probably no mistake that nearly all of my greatest business and marketing heroes have, at one time or another, referred to some form of meditation or head-clearing process as an important and integral part of their days.
If you want to create breakthroughs in the world, you may just need to find a breakthrough or two within yourself, first.
Yours for bigger breakthroughs,
Roy Furr
