Today’s issue will be a little bit different…
I have a handful of themes that all fall under the category of, “I am not an idiot.”
Not just me having that reaction.
Rather, ANYBODY having that reaction. Including your prospects.
This is really powerful stuff. Nobody wants to feel like an idiot. Yet, by the end of this issue you’ll see clearly all the ways we’re often subtly told that we are idiots. Even by the people who love us.
Just imagine for yourself what happens when you understand this, recognize it, and use it to connect with your prospects in a way that leads them to a more positive place…
So without any further ado, let’s get into my reflections on the “I am not an idiot” theme…
Reflection #1: Success stories from doing what I tell you to do…
This is kind of the opposite. At least, in the reader who responded to yesterday’s essay.
It’s gratifying to receive emails like the one you’re about to read, because essentially what they’re saying is, “You are not an idiot!”
They took my advice. Followed it. And got the results I suggested they would.
Here’s the email I received after yesterday’s essay that included the advice to get a marketing job before you try to pick a freelance copywriting niche…
—
Roy,
I’ve been meaning to thank you for so openly sharing the merits of getting a marketing job.
For a long time I held the belief that getting a job would be a backwards step. Then a few months ago the reality of credit card debt and my slow progress as a freelancer “forced” a change in attitude.
Anyway, I’m now working as a Digital Marketing Manager for a local web agency. And it was a great move!
I’m launching an SEM service, learning a ton, and the outcome independence has made me more effective, more motivated, and much less needy in my copywriting work.
My point is: hearing your repeated assessment of the benefits of a marketing career triggered my change in attitude — no doubt. And for that I am very grateful.
Thank you so much.
C
—
To those of you who read my daily essays…
Who get inspiration and a daily dose of intellectual entertainment…
But who are not actively taking action on what I’m recommending for you to do…
Let this email be your reminder, “I am not an idiot.”
Next reflection…
Reflection #2: “No buts, no coconuts…”
“Stop yelling at your sister!”
“But she…”
“No buts, no coconuts!”
We both laugh…
Between my three kids, I think I have a variation of this happen about 50 times per day.
I try to correct behavior. To get them to take personal responsibility for how they contributed to conflict. They immediately shift the blame elsewhere. And I get frustrated because the implication is that I’m the one who’s wrong about what’s going on.
Now I’ll admit, I probably need to be sensitive here to creating the reaction in them of, “I am not an idiot…”
And yet, every time my attempt at behavioral correction is met with a “but” and a deflection, I feel a wash of frustration come over me.
I was there. I saw or heard what happened. I know what was going on, and who contributed to the conflict.
“I am not an idiot.”
This is totally normal and developmentally-appropriate in children.
And you’d think we’d grow out of it.
Yet it’s all too common for us to do this toward each other, too.
Reflection #3: Emotional bids, improv acting, and the “yeah, but…”
My recent essay about emotional bids struck a chord, even though it was slightly off-brand.
I believe that’s one of the most powerful concepts you can understand for living a happy life, full of good relationships. Not just with your spouse or partner, but with coworkers, friends, family, and more.
And because I’m back in weekly improv classes, I think about the “yes, and” approach to life a lot. That is, the way that we honor, accept, and appreciate someone is by saying “yes, and” to whatever they bring to the moment.
The reality is, most of us are doing the absolute best with what we have, every moment of the day. Our reactions and contributions to the world around us are the result of our sum total experience. Even the person who you think is doing something really stupid is probably doing about what you would do, if your background and experience matched theirs — and you’d be thinking you were doing the best thing in that situation.
When you consider that, you meet people with “yes, and” — even if you use that “and” as a way to change directions entirely.
If you respond to them instead with a “yeah, but,” you’re NOT accepting, NOT honoring, NOT appreciating them. In fact, when you say “yeah, but,” their subconscious reaction to this rejection will almost always be, “I am not an idiot…”
Do that a little bit, and you’ll likely be forgiven. Even the best relationships involve the partners turning against or away from each other’s’ emotional bids 14% of the time.
And yet overwhelmingly — about 5 out of 6 times — an emotional bid in the context of a healthy, enduring relationship is met with a “yes, and.”
In other words, healthy relationships are invariably those where the partners are constantly, subconsciously telling each other, “You are not an idiot.”
Final thought: be careful who you call an idiot, and find ways to tell people you care about that they are NOT one…
This is, of course, much more subtle.
Covered by the veneer of polite society, most of us don’t run around all day calling each other idiots.
But underneath that veneer, it’s easy to get into the pattern of subtle rejection.
It’s easy for our automatic response to be a “yeah, but” or other invalidation.
This hurts. Especially through time.
It leads to a chronic sense of guilt and inferiority, and a lot of lingering pain.
We’re good at covering it up. We have a million masks we wear. Some of us turn to our various addictions to try to fill that hole.
It’s not easy.
Self-improvement, self-love, and self-respect are the first step out. The second is healthy connections with people who meet your emotional bids.
In short, you need to tell yourself, “I am NOT an idiot,” and believe it. And surround yourself with others who tell you, “You are NOT an idiot,” who also believe it.
And if your product or service helps your prospects on that path to healing, consider how you can use Emotional Direct Response Copywriting to connect with them in that space of darkness, and lead them toward the light.
Yours for bigger breakthroughs,
Roy Furr
You just woke me up to something I've been doing for decades (no kidding!). I was a senior technical
writer for 20 years at HP before I retired 19 years ago, and was one of 45 writers on 4 sites across the
US. I was responsible for the system reference manual for HP's flagship Unix operating system and
the last release I worked on involved 3000 pages in 3 volumes. My job was to keep it up-to-date with
every new release while also improving quality and usability.
After 4 years of that, the powers that be decided to move the project to a different site. I did it by myself,
but after training one of them and telling him if he needed *any* help, pick up the phone and ask. But
others had a meeting and decided I "didn't have a good process". (I had a very effective SYSTEM).
A year later, they had 10 people attempting to do what I'd done by myself for years and never missing
a deadline — ever. But they were behind schedule and holding up the entire program. I think back now
to the many innumerable times I called them "idiots". But lately I've become more charitable. They are
people with college degrees in English and Journalism, and they've never gone through the *work*
of learning to understand the system they're supposed to be describing, and were laboring at trying
to translate what engineers told them into a form that ordinary users could find useful.
They weren't idiots. They simply were in way over their heads trying to explain something they
didn't understand in a language that might make sense to real, everyday users.
My perspective was different. I had to learn that stuff the hard way with no decent manuals available.
I knew what users needed to know, and I knew how to teach them. That was my killer advantage. I
just didn't have the patience and tolerance to let them grow if they wanted. But too many were
chasing a paycheck, and didn't understand what their audience needed, but didn't know they needed
it.
Methinks the same applies when wriitng copy for prospects.
You have to understand their world well enough to educate them so they can understand what they
need, and why what you're telling them is important.
Bottom line: "Too soon old, too late smart."
Clarke
I suppose I am an idiot, BUT, there are more stupid idiots in my life than I care to have. I did not go to much college only I/2 a year. I got hired by an old friend of family at age 19 and I learned my trade well. Specialty automotive installation, don't want to say. I worked for five years learning the business from a guy that at one time had opened five different shops in various relatively close locations. These shops did not compete with each other. After five years working in this business and myself getting married to a perfect lady that had two children from her first failed marriage, my wife and I opened our own "small business" Business was good and I had lots of car dealers, new and used cars that I was getting work from. I made a profit the second month I was in business. Around that time I got acquainted with Nightingale Conant self help tapes. I became a good customer and bought many cassette tape and listed to daily as I commuted to work. Yes they really helped me and kept me motivated. Funny thing I tried to convince some of my friends to also listen but it was a waste of my time, they thought they were so smart they wouldn't learn anything by listening, boy were they stupid. Anyhow time went on and I was making, to me a small fortune at this time. More money than I really needed, trouble is I was not smart enough to save much, but I did save some. We, my wife and bought over many years two houses ours and a rental house. I am trying to make this short but….. On and on time went by and I changed locations for my business and got much cheaper rent, then the bus property owner, an older gentleman passed away they sold the property and up and up went my bus. rent. So then I ended up buying a lot then put up a 1600 sq ft building. YEA NO MORE RENT, GOT IT PAID OFF BECAUSE OF THE SECOND HOUSE WE BOUGHT was sold. Sorry I hit cap locks. Onward to more recent times I hired my stepdaughter and trained her to run my bus, ordering parts and she learned great customer service. At this point I had it made so I began to work less and less, sounds good doesn't it. Little did I realize the business would not stay successful without me running it Over a matter of years my three employees let my good business begin to fail, my profits went down and down lower My wife thought it was just a sign of the times but I knew my business had been good in good times and also bad economy times. Wow I did not have to pay rent for many years and I personally was not making any money. I made enough to pay three employees but lost some money in 2016 and again in 2017 I told my daughter that I would have to lay off one of the installers and return to work at age 78, She blew a fuse and we got into a big loud argument and when she attacked me in defense I was trying to stop her from continually slapping me I guess I made her hit herself on the eye. For this she called the police and made a report that I gave her a black eye. Now at age 78, I have never been in a physical altercation. I am not very educated but I believe she spread this on her computer. So here it is a couple years later and because of my wife, I have to be kissass to my 62 year old daughter who doesn't believe she ran my bus to no profit………Anyway I and my wife recently sold the shop real estate for around a million yea; I got 1/3, had to give my daughter 1/3, and IRS will get the remaining third. That's my story and I'm stickin to it. Now living on Social Security My daughter I don't believe has health insurance since I stopped paying it and she is content with her windfall and is not looking for employment I don't believe.